What is a successful parent?

How do you know that you have been successful in parenting?

  • When your baby sleeps through the night?
  • When your toddler walks or learns to talk?
  • When your child starts school?
  • When they finish school?
  • When they move into a place of work?
  • When they become a parent?

What does it actually mean to be a successful parent?

How many parents believe that they have achieved success in how they have brought up their kids.

As a parent of two teenage boys, I am struggling to know what success looks like!

  • Have I given them too much?
  • Have I made their life too easy?
  • Have I reneged on my threats and promises and not given strong boundaries?
  • Have I taught them low values?
  • Have I not given them enough attention and time?
  • Have I allowed them too much freedom?

Whether you are a brand new parent or have great grandchildren, or, like me, you are somewhere in the middle, these may be questions that you have considered.

The truth is that we brought our children into the ever changing world, and what worked for us won’t necessarily work for them.

And as they get older, your sphere of influence in their lives becomes less.

In a world where we are all bombarded with news, ideas and opinions, many of which are not very positive, how can I ensure that my boys are watching the best stuff or force them to take a break and spend a day without a screen?

I have suggested to them to take some time away from the screen and the response was a resounding NO.

It doesn’t seem good to me that they spend so much time attached to a screen!  But who am I to talk!

I have created an on-line business which means I spend the majority of my day attached to a screen.

Even outside of business, I am attached to a screen.  Curiously my spiritual development is resulting in more screen time, as well as some of my social life.

Kids don’t do what you say, they do what you do, so if I want my kids to spend less time on screens, I need to do that!

That is just not true to screens, it is also true for every part of life.

They say our children are our biggest spiritual teachers.  What I am learning about spirituality is that it is an inner journey.  Spiritual growth is really getting to know yourself well.  That is all of you!  A spiritual journey involves you looking into the shadows and owning every bit!

Our children can help shine a light into those shadows.  Some parts of us are not easy to own.

No matter how great our own childhood may have been, we all have some scars.  Traumas that weren’t dealt with effectively at the time, that have taken residence in our bodies.

How can we ensure that we don’t give our children such scars?

I guess we can’t.  Protecting them too much means they don’t have the freedom to develop into the unique being they are meant to be.

There is an ever changing balancing act of keeping them safe and letting them grow.

I think that when we give another human being life, it comes with such a mammoth responsibility that changes you as a person.  Along with this new life, comes a nagging sense of not being enough.

It is very difficult not to compare how you and your child is doing with other parents and children.  Some comparisons make you feel superior and others the opposite.  Neither are particularly healthy.

I honestly believe that in order to be the best parent to our children, we need to be the best version of ourselves.

  • Be brave enough to look into the shadows when we are triggered.
  • Be as aligned as possible with our words and actions.
  • And forgive ourselves when we mess up.

How much of our kid’s lives are actually in our sphere of influence?  I know I have times when I really worry that I haven’t done it right!  That I have messed up.  I also know that worrying about them is not doing anyone any good.

I am actively choosing to believe that I have done the best job as being a Mum to my boys.  I will continue to do what I can – which is to continually work on myself, allow them to shine a light into my soul and teach me what I need to heal in myself.

Life is a Healing Adventure and if you choose to have kids, they are part of it!

If you would like some help on how to shine a light on your shadows, book a quick chat with me – https://ginadallisoncoaching.as.me/Chat.

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