Have you ever been stuck making a decision?
Changing a job? – Leaving a relationship? – Moving house? – Which restaurant to eat at? – What movie to watch?
Some decisions feel huge, some not so much, but there is always that worry – ‘what if I make the wrong choice?’
I made a big decision in 2017, to come off my MS medication and not to follow my doctor’s advice.
Obviously it was not something to be taken likely. I researched, talked to family, friends, MS nurses, other people with MS, coaches, I meditated, journaled and listened to myself.
I felt happy with my decision and told my medical team my intention.
All was well until I spoke with a friend I had not seen for a while and he asked about my MS and I told him of my decision. He thought I was crazy – why would I go against the doctors, what he considered was a well-researched proven path that could help with my symptoms.
I knew he was coming from a place of love and concern – maybe he was right! Maybe I was being stupid, making life harder for myself – making my symptoms worse!??
This conversation sent me into a spin of worry and doubt. I spent weeks agonising over my decision, using my energy and imagination taking me down one rabbit-hole after another of what-ifs.
During that time we were at the Purbeck Valley Folk Festival, where they had a poetry stage, and after watching some of the guys on there the year before, I was inspired to have a go.
I started writing and thinking in rhyme and I created a poem that allowed me to make total peace with my decision.
If you have a decision to make, or you have made one and have chosen a path and are now second-guessing yourself, reading or listening to the poem will really help. If you would like a video of it being read, let me know – gina@ginadallison.com.
This is my poem – it continues to help me, whenever doubt or worry creeps in.
Life’s Crossroads
Life is filled with decisions, each and every day
Which way to go, what to do, should I go or should I stay?
How I make my choices, to you I will now relate
As every choice we make in life, can well seal our fate.
Friends share their opinions, explain their point of view
And people are happy to tell you what they think you should do.
I can even turn to Google and research all the data.
Fill my head with a billion things that I will have to process later.
All this information is a bit like gathering rocks,
And when I try to move things forward, I find my way is blocked.
So I sit at the crossroads, in much deliberation,
My head is in such a spin! Crowned Procrastination!!
These decisions, they are serious, they affect all walks of life,
And if taken too lightly, they might lead to lots of strife!
Surely that’s worth considering? But considering at length?
Coz if you take too long about it, it saps up all your strength.
Maybe I could go this way? Or maybe I go that?
Let me consider it further, and I’ll just stay here, sat!
If I go this way, I’m sure it could be wrong,
But perils lay in that direction, and it could take too long.
So I sit here at the crossroads, considering my choices,
Cogitating data and other people’s voices.
So what if I just moved in a way, that feels better at the time,
And disregard all the options! Would that be such a crime?
What if there is no ‘wrong’! Just lessons to be learnt.
And remind ourselves, that in the end, most of us get burnt.
What if we used our energy on lessons where we’ll grow
Rather than deliberating and worrying which way to go?
That does sound easier, and a lot more fun
And not deciding keeps us stuck, which means no-one has won!
So next time at life’s crossroads, I’ll try another way
‘Right’ or ‘wrong’ is just perception, there is no price to pay.
I’ll surrender myself to freedom, let my thoughts and body flow
And trust the path I tread today is the way to go.